The best Italian jokes

Italians have a great sense of humor. They can be sarcastic and witty at the same time. In this post, you’ll find the best Italian jokes with their English translation. Some jokes only make sense in Italian, so their translation might not be as fun and might not make much sense. By the way, you’ll also find Italian riddles and jokes about Italians. Let’s get started!
the best italian jokes
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“Joke” in Italian

Did you know Italian has three words for “joke”? Here they are:

  • Scherzo
  • Battuta
  • Barzelletta

Scherzo is more like a prank, trick, or, in other words, a practical joke.

Non è uno scherzo molto divertente.

It’s not a very funny joke.

The verb is scherzare, which means “to joke”.

Stai scherzando?

Are you joking?

Battuta is an oral joke, a witty remark. It can be a synonym for scherzo.

Ma dai, era solo una battuta!

Come on, it was only a joke!

Barzelletta is a funny story.

Raccontare una barzelletta.

To tell a joke (=a funny story).

In today’s post, we’re going to focus on barzellette.

Italian jokes

Let’s have a look at some short humorous Italian jokes:

Se io mi metto la camicia di lino, che camicia si mette Lino?

If I put on a linen shirt, which shirt does Lino wear? (In Italian, lino means both linen or the name Lino.)

Che film girano un gallo e una gallina in un pollaio? – L’ova story.

What movie do a rooster and a hen make in a chicken coop? – The egg story. (In Italian it sounds like “Love story”.)

Ottimista affoga in una vasca mezza piena.

An optimistic person drowns in a half-full tank.

Perché negli Usa non rispettano il metro di distanza? – Perché loro sono gli Stati… UNITI!

Why don’t people keep the social distancing in the US? – Because they are the UNITED States!

Read more short Italian jokes.

Funny Italian jokes

Funny Italian jokes often involve Pierino, which is the Italian equivalent of Little Johnny.

Like in English, Pierino jokes involve a small boy who asks questions and makes statements that can sound embarrassing.

Pierino rientra in casa e va a parlare con suo padre:
“Ciao papà, oggi ho guidato in autostrada per la prima volta, vuoi sapere com’è andata?”.
“No, Pierino, ho troppo da fare, non ho tempo per parlare”.
“OK, tanto domani lo saprai dai giornali”.

Pierino goes home and speaks to his father:
“Hi dad, today I drove on the highway for the first time, do you want to know how it went?”.
“No, Pierino, I’m too busy, I don’t have time to talk”.
“OK, so tomorrow you will know from the newspapers”.

Pierino dice alla maestra:
“Signora maestra, sa dirmi quale animale mangia con la coda?”.
“Pierino, non dire stupidaggini, nessun animale mangia con la coda!”.
“Tutti mangiano con la coda… ne conosce forse qualcuno che se la toglie prima di mangiare?”.

Pierino says to the teacher:
“Teacher, can you tell me which animal eats with its tail?”.
“Pierino, don’t talk nonsense, no animal eats with its tail!”.
“Every animal eats with their tails … do you know an animal that takes its tail off before eating?”.

La maestra interroga Pierino:
“Pierino, dimmi due pronomi!”.
“Chi? Io?”.
“Bravissimo Pierino! Ora sentiamo un altro”.

The teacher asks Pierino:
“Pierino, tell me two pronouns”.
“Who? Me?”.
“Well done, Pierino! Now let’s hear someone else”.

Maria vuol giocare con Pierino:
“Pierino, giochiamo a marito e moglie?”.
“No Maria, mi dispiace, la mamma mi ha detto di non litigare con nessuno”.

Maria wants to play with Pierino:
“Pierino, shall we play husband and wife?”.
“No Maria, I’m sorry, my mother told me not to argue with anyone”.

Read more funny Italian jokes.

The best Italian jokes

Here are some of the best Italian jokes:

Fra amici:
“Sai, mia moglie ieri sera mi ha chiesto una serata da brividi… ”
“E tu cosa hai fatto???”
“Le ho spento i termosifoni”.

Between friends:
“Guess what! Last night, my wife said she wanted me to make her shiver”.
“And what did you do?”
“I turned off the heating.”

Un signore si reca dal dentista:
“Dottore, questo dente mi duole tantissimo, cosa mi consiglia di fare?
“Guardi, se fosse il mio, lo toglierei subito!”.
“Eh, anch’io lo toglierei subito, se fosse il suo”.

A man goes to the dentist.
“Doctor, this tooth hurts me a lot, what do you advise me to do?”
“Look, if it were mine, I would take it off right away!”.
“Ha! I’d take it off immediately too, if it were yours”.

Due amici s’incontrano:
“Lo sai? Ho appena bruciato 2.500 calorie.”Davvero? E come hai fatto?”
“Ho dimenticato la torta nel forno…”

Two friends meet:
“Guess what! I just burned 2,500 calories.”
“Really? And how did you do that?”
“I forgot the cake in the oven …”

Un ragazzo chiede al suo papà:
“Papà dimmi, sei capace di scrivere il tuo nome ad occhi chiusi?”
“Penso di sì, perché?”
“Ottimo, devo farti firmare la pagella”.

A boy asks his dad:
“Dad, tell me, are you able to write your name with your eyes closed?”
“I think so, why?”
“Great, I need you to sign the report card.”

Read more of the funniest Italian jokes.

Jokes about Italians

Let’s have a look at some jokes about Italians:

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way.

What do you call an Italian suppository?

An innuendo.

What do you call a Roman with a cold?

Julius Sneezer.

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What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island.

I said, “Don’t be Sicily.”

 

Read more jokes about Italians.

Italian riddles

Let’s now look at some Italian riddles with their answers.

Va su e giù ma non si muove.
La scala.

It goes up and down but it doesn’t move.
The ladder.

Ha molti denti, ma non può masticare.
Il pettine.

It has many teeth, but cannot chew.
The comb.

Dove possono incontrarsi due muri?
All’angolo.

Where can two walls meet?
At the corner.

Può riempire una stanza, ma non occupa spazio.
La luce.

It can fill a room, but it doesn’t take up space.
The light.

Più si cresce e più si accorcia.
La vita.

The more it grows, the shorter it gets.
Life.

Read more Italian riddles.

Still translating in your head? Wanna speak Italian for real? Check out Stefano's courses to think directly in Italian and become fluent fast!

Eleonora

I’m originally from Argentina but grew up in Italy, so I’m bilingual. I love languages, which is why I studied French and Linguistics in London. I’m a grammar nerd and I love finding out about the meaning of words.

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